It Takes a Village

The Coffee House on Cherry Street, Tulsa Oklahoma (Feb '12)

Have you ever launched a personal aspiration out into the world? Or embarked upon something you’d planned for a lengthy period of time (a dream vacation, college selection, or committed relationship)? From personal experience, I’ve found it’s a lot like sending a child off to their first day of school or standing on the edge of a minuscule airplane platform preparing to fling yourself into the great unknown. You’ve prepared as best you can—read all the books, packed the lunch (or parachute or suitcase), gathered support from friends and family—and now it’s time to let go and see what happens. Such has been my experience over the last few months as I released my innermost reflections and introduced As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life into the world.

Officially published on January 25, 2012, “Pondering” has made its way into over 350 homes around the world—including Australia, England, Canada, Hawaii, Alaska, and Florida. It’s a highly respectable sales number for a first-time, self-published book, but... hey, I have more friends than that on Facebook and this is my baby I’ve sent off to school which means I want the greatest success possible. Now to be perfectly clear, my definition of success is not by numbers. It’s about reaching people who may be touched, inspired, or personally challenged and transformed by its message. My belief is that “Pondering” is a life-giving book. While I know it’s not for everyone, I also trust there are way more than 350 people out there who will resonate from this message.

"Like Mark Nepo and Rachel Naomi Remen, Kayce invites us to learn with her day by day as she creates a handmade life. Her stories enlighten while her prompts tickle the heart's ear to listen with more clarity and self-kindness. A beautiful way to spend a few minutes each day." Jennifer Louden, best-selling author and teacher 

Book signing, Walla Walla, WA (Apr '12)

The foremost question people ask me these days is “what’s next?” My answer? Who knows!?! But in this moment, I am sharing these few thoughts. Perhaps you’ve been considering buying your own book. Fabulous! Today is a great day to do it. Maybe there’s someone in your life who could use a little encouragement and hope each day. As I Lay Pondering makes a beautiful gift! Think about it. Are you ready to embark on your own dream and would welcome some encouragement? Yes? Go for it! I’m here to cheer you on.

The term “it takes a village” has always resonated with me and now more so than ever. One way I see it manifesting is in how we help each other nurture our dreams, thus growing stronger villages in the world. Today, I’m sharing my ongoing dream with you. I hope you’ll consider being a part of my village in whatever way resonates for you. Send me a note... buy a book... pass along this message... say a prayer... invite me to your town/blog/interview/favorite bookstore... the possibilities are really endless once we start dreaming together!

And, please don’t forget to let me know how I can help nurture your dreams! Collaboration? Shall we? Remember... it takes a village!

As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life by Kayce S. Hughlett Available here and at Amazon.com. 

10 Lessons Learned (& Affirmed) While Living Life

Hello, Love. I know I’ve been away for a while and I always miss you when I’m gone. Today, I’ve been reflecting on where I’ve been these past few weeks and what I learned (& affirmed) along the way. What bubbled up were 10 Lessons that I'd love to share with you.

Since we were last together here, I followed my heart’s calling and sailed high above the Arizona desert, experiencing the peaceful wordlessness of a sunrise hot air balloon ride. There I released floating dreams on behalf of myself and others (you, perhaps?) while sharing in the majestic silence with old and new friends. It was an experience potentially missed if a sprout of fearful discomfort had become overgrown. I’ve discovered the importance of learning to differentiate between fear and exhilaration. Fear holds us back. Exhilaration lifts us higher. When your heart sings YES, you can trust it’s moving in the right direction... even when it seems a little scary. Lesson #1 – Follow your heart.

Following the early morning balloon ride, 300+ of my cohorts gathered in Phoenix where I was able to explore the beauty and dissonance of life together as one big family. While we are all profoundly connected in unnamable ways, we don’t necessarily click with every person in the room (kind of like a real family). Expectations aren’t always met and sometimes they are exceeded when connection greets us in the most unexpected places and ways. Lesson # 2 – Be open to whatever shows up.

A highlight of the time in Phoenix was when my alter ego, “Sassy Girl,” sashayed onto the scene and whooped it up with fellow Sassy Cats during an evening of Cabaret. Our giggles and laughter resounded like a babbling brook after a refreshing spring downpour. Even “grown ups” have an amazing capacity and desire to pull out the over-the-top duds and play dress-up. Lesson # 3 – Put on your sassy and play, play, play!

Upon returning home, I hunkered down and added the final touches to my recent workshop, Exploring Archetypal Energies through the Expressive Arts. Simultaneously, I made space for some additional playtime with out-of-town guests and my sweet hubby as we became tourists in our own town. Lesson #4 – Make essential space for connecting with friends and loved ones, the rest will follow. (Refer to Lesson #1.)

Ready or not, off I went to St. Andrew’s House on the Hood Canal for a magical time of retreat and awakening. Surrounded by 10 amazing women and my fabulous co-facilitator, Christine, I was reminded of Lesson #5 - We are all teachers and there are lessons to be learned in everything. The bonus of being a group facilitator is that I am blessed with learning from the wisdom of other’s life explorations. During our retreat together, we danced, created art, read poetry, got quiet, and dug deep. The mountains peeked through the mist and the sun made a guest appearance as we walked the labyrinth. The moon did her dance alongside 10 royal queens who proudly stepped into their personal sovereignty.

My re-entry time has included snuggle time with golden kitty, Aslan, a delicious massage, fine wine and the darkest of delectable chocolates. I am, after all, a widely-proclaimed, self-care practitioner. Lesson/Affirmation #6 – Self-care is the best way to restore, rejuvenate and prepare to offer our gifts back out to the world!

And lest one might think that life is always easy and full of light, Lesson #7 arrives: Re-entry can be challenging! Somehow, I often manage to get blind-sided by that one! With all of these glorious adventures and soul nourishment, I was a bit annoyed to find myself overwhelmed and uptight as I looked at my week ahead... not to mention the Big Question: “What’s next for me?”

Lesson #8 – 'What’s next?' takes us out of the present and into the future. The question What's next? has a powerful ability to pop me into high alert mode if I’m not careful. If it’s too far in the future, What’s next? sends me spinning like a top (and I don’t mean the fun, colorful kind.) So, when the spin feels out-of-control, it’s time to pause and get off. (Easier said than done, I know.) Fortunately, Lesson #9 is available. Have a previously assembled tool box nearby at all times and use it! and remember this...

Lesson #10 – Sometimes it takes a full arsenal to pry yourself out of the spinning top, but with time, the spinning will stop!

This time my tools included...
1) Getting quiet... although today the noise increased.
2) Get something done (anything)... alas, confronting my to-do list raised the anxiety.
3) Distract myself... choose your distractions carefully – email and Facebook kept me spinning this go 'round.
4) Bring presence to someone else... helping someone else feel good feels really great! (However, please keep in mind Lesson #6 re: self-care.)
5) Name my stuff... “I’m overwhelmed and out of control” (even saying it begins to slow the spin.)
6) Take a walk (Move!)... feeling the ground beneath my feet is... well... grounding.
7) Witness the beauty everywhere... notice the sun on my face, blooming daffodils, a curious chickadee, warm java, a neighbor’s smile. Ahhhh.
8) Come back to the basics... Breathe.
9) Write and reflect... (This is my favorite ritual... What’s yours?)
10) Share your ritual with someone... Today I'm sharing with you, Love. Yes, You!

So that’s where I’ve been and a few things I’ve learned in the last weeks. How about you? I’d love to know where you go when the world spins out of control. What are your favorite life lessons? Do share, pretty please. A person can never have too many tools!

Come Fly with Me

If you can imagine it, you can live it!

Part of my practice for the year has been increased attention toward a quiet meditation practice. In her book, Comfortable with Uncertainty, Pema Chodron talks about “surprise mind.” You sit down and —wham!—a rather nasty surprise arises. So be it... Then—wow!—a delicious surprise appears. Okay. This part is not to be clung to but compassionately acknowledged... and let go. The surprises are endless.

I love “surprise mind” (although it does provide some interesting challenges in meditation)! Today’s “surprise” was the birthing of Come Fly with Me. Take a moment. Stop. Breathe. Listen. Pause right now and notice if you can imagine your dreams—yes, yours—spreading out through the world on gossamer wings... reaching and extending through the soft breath of whispering clouds until they permeate the universe. Now imagine this happening at daybreak over the Sonoran desert within a vast silence punctuated only by the generated heat to fill a multi-colored balloon and the delight of playful adults on a bold adventure. Immerse yourself into this landscape and imagine your personal dream rising with the balloon. Next hear your name being whispered into the crystal blue sky. Finally witness both dream and name gently released into the world with love, grace, and delight.

Sound good? Can you feel it? Yes? Then you are personally invited to join me as I embark on a magical mystery tour over the Sonoran desert where I will be releasing beauty, love, and OUR dreams into the world. Dorothy of Kansas never made it into her hot air balloon, but I have a reserved spot to climb into mine next week... And, the surprise is that my heart is compelled to take YOU along with me. A few spirited sojourners will physically join me, but since basket space is limited, I have created another way for you to come fly with me and simultaneously support our dreams!

Flying with me is simple...

· Between now and Wednesday, March 14 @ Noon Pacific Time, send me a note requesting that I share your dream. If you want to include dream details, please keep them brief as the ride is only one hour. That’s it! No strings attached.

If you feel compelled to join the dream-sharing fun, then read on...

· My dream is for my new book As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life to spread around the world and touch countless hearts and lives in meaningful ways.

You can select a way (or two) and help spread my dream...

· Purchase a copy today (for yourself or someone else).

· If you already own it, tell 5, 10, 20 + new people about it this week.

· Invite me to appear as a guest on your blog.

· Feature the book in a Facebook, Twitter or other social media post.

· Contact your favorite bookstore, gift shop, or newspaper.

· Interview me or recommend me to someone else for an interview. (I have lots to say!)

· Invite me to your locale for a book signing, workshop, or speaking engagement... and help make it happen.

· Spread the word through your own amazingly creative ways!!

... and please, please, please let me know. Your support always fills the wind in my sails!!

Dreams grow and come into reality when we share them with others. This I believe to be true. So, are you ready to Come Fly with Me and watch OUR dreams grow?

As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life by Kayce S. Hughlett Available here and at Amazon.com. Get your copy today!!

Pause before you Punch...

... or How to Deal with Mean People

My friend and colleague, the beautiful and talented, Deb Smouse, recently asked if I had any tips on dealing with mean people. Not knowing exactly what she desired, I decided to do a little journaling around the topic to find out what I know ☺.

Bottom line, no matter how hard we try and hope it isn't so, they do exist and well... Sometimes mean people are just plain mean. They get under your skin and make you feel like you want to lash out and be mean too (or at least I do.) When I feel my blood pressure start to rise and my chest begin to pound, I realize that’s usually the time to take a deep breath and pause for a quick look in the mirror. Stop. Look. Listen. Notice and begin to imagine where their nastiness might be coming from, because most often it doesn’t have anything to do with me. I’ve also learned that without the pause, I’m at risk of feeding their fire (or ire) by turning up the heat with my less desirable Lucy-girl tactics. While momentarily this might feel good, it typically feels downright yucky and both of us walk away feeling singed. If I can avert this quick response and gather my pause, I often discover it’s the perfect time to pull out my super-secret (wish everyone knew about it) diffuser: Compassion. Whether or not the other person is willing to receive it, depends on them. In any case, through compassion I can stay grounded and with much better-feeling results than trying to match their nasty attitude.

(Warning: If you offer compassion and kindness to someone and consistently walk away feeling guilty or at fault for their bad mood, you’re probably dealing with a narcissist. My advice is to steer clear!)

Grumpsters come in all varieties and curmudgeons are my favorites. They’re usually just big old teddy bears who lay on the mild end of the “mean” scale just before hard-to-love, prickly, but ultimately approachable people and far away from sociopaths or narcissists who can rarely be won over and always leave you feeling icky. My approach with curmudgeons (and I realize I’m now giving away trade secrets) is to tame them with kindness. I like to get playful and perhaps a little sassy with these growly bears while feeding them their own direct medicine. I truly love being their pal, and rarely let them off the hook, because curmudgeons typically enjoy a good jest and are usually just trying to stir things up.

In my experience mean people are always asking for something and while it usually looks like they want you to go away, the exact opposite is often true. My kids, for example, have perfected the nasty look or growling get-away-from-me grunt. They can trigger me faster than any living person, so it’s trickier with people you’re close to, because you’re often a lot alike and/or it feels like there’s more at risk than with someone you don’t know. Once I began to understand my own insecurities and hidden motivations for being mean, it became easier to stick it out with others and turn on the loving compassion. It also taught me to slow down and consider how things aren’t always as they seem.

If pausing, looking in the mirror and calling on compassion, doesn’t do the trick for taming a mean person, then my surefire, foolproof approach to not letting this person get to me is to imagine they are about four or five years old. I see them slightly past the terrible two’s (although it can be fun to think of them at this age), but not yet jaded by a world of should’s and should not’s. By seeing an offensive person as a tender child who only wants to be loved, I’m able to drop my own defensiveness and tap into unconditional love and compassion. If four or five years old doesn’t work, I drop the age even younger until I can only see them as needing care. I can’t even begin to imagine retaliating or hurting them. I try to envision what this child might need – a kind word, a grounded presence, a hug or pat on the back. Mentally offering it to them can be equally powerful when it’s inappropriate to do it physically. In some cases they may just need to be left alone. In the case of hard-core offenders (sociopaths/narcissists), sometimes we just need to walk away and take care of our own inner child (i.e. don’t add to the abusiveness by staying in the line of fire!) It’s ok to move away gently and acknowledge for ourselves where and how it hurts. Finally, I allow myself to remember sometimes mean people are just plain mean.

Be sure to pop on over to Debra Smouse’s To Box or Not to Box for another viewpoint on dealing with those mean-spirited people in your life.

You can also visit me at Diamonds in the Soul to learn more about me.

Start your own Drum Circle

The sound of drums calls through the crystal blue sky. Beckoning. Singing. Saying, “Come play with us. All are welcome here.” The message is clear. “Find a perch on the grassy knoll, soak up some sunshine and live your own rhythm. Welcome to the World Rhythm Festival. Welcome to life.”

Saturday was my first experience in a community drum circle, but not my first in finding my personal rhythm. If you’ve never participated in a drum circle, it’s quite an experience. From out of the silence, a lone drummer begins. Soon another joins in, percussion instruments follow and, if you’re lucky, a bass carries the heartbeat. It’s a magical experience as multifarious people of assorted talent levels come together to create music. Dancers step into the mix and uniquely sway to the emerging beats. All elements are essential to creating this life-engaging experience.

One dancer swayed on the outer perimeter of the circle and I wondered why he steered clear of the middle and whether he longed to be center stage. Later as we had a brief conversation, I realized his perfect rhythm was to be exactly where he was – nothing more or less. Many of us don’t listen that well. If everyone isn’t doing it (whatever “it” is), we draw back because it might not be acceptable. We choose to listen to everyone else’s rhythm and find ourselves out of sync, and thus missing out on our unique part of life's harmony.

My part in Saturday’s experience was to sit on the knoll and play my djembe. I didn’t need to be the one to start or stop the circle. My role this day was harmony, and in that I was perfectly content. I was grateful for those who brilliantly began each round of music and less appreciative of those who exerted an odd power to bring the circle to an unnatural close. In practicing our personal rhythms, it’s important to know when we must follow the beat of our own drum and when it feels best to play harmony. There’s magic in listening to the pulse and finding the simpatico places both within and without.

Take a moment and imagine leaning into your own grassy knoll and soaking up the sunshine of your personal rhythm. What instrument would you play? What role would be yours? Where would you dance in the circle? What beat will you choose to follow?

World Rhythm Festival 2011 © lucy
My djembe & my friend, Carole © lucy 2011