Goddess

The December Reflection by Marlene Marburg

Goddess poem

Go inside the poem
Feel the warmth, the
roomy safety. Feel her
boundaries yield, stretch
to accommodate your flips
and turns, your struggle to
find the comfy space, the
just-right holding. Listen to
sounds familiar and muffled,
and rounded lullaby rhythms
growing inside you, nurturing
your voice, your claim to be
heard, to be silent. Go inside
the poem. Feel your body
move with fear and love,
retrieving the slippery
traces in the poem
you know, the
poem we all
know.

found @ "Membership Moments" Spiritual Directors International

birthing God

One might think my Advent practice has slipped away due to the lack of exposure given here. Au contraire. The practice is deep, wide, broad and growing. My belly, mind and heart swelling with insight and growth. I ponder how to convey the multitude of ways God is working on me. Layers and layers.

“We are bringing God to birth, bringing love to earth.” (written by Betsy Beckman). These words awakened me yesterday morning (actually it was still pre-dawn). Images of God running through my head. The pregnant belly on my Soul Collage card that I created on Saturday around the theme of nurturing the Christ within. This image spoke to me as the child/God kissing my belly in gratitude. Thanking me for “bringing God to birth.”

Sunday night another word from my Advent reading. Luci Shaw writes, “we, too, are pregnant with Christ…day by day we are being enlarged.” Somehow the words 'already and not yet' enter my mind. How do we wait patiently without wasting the time we are given? Missing the present while living in the future? How will I choose to live in the present while waiting for Christ to come? Why do I wait for someone who is already here? There is that beautiful paradox of God: light in darkness, presence in absence, fulfillment in the midst of longing.

The word “present” triggers my lackadaisical response to enter into the commercial experience of Christmas and the frenzy over present buying and receiving. I know others, too, struggle with how to honor this season. We want it to be magical and for some reason it can produce resentment and/or a sense that something is “wrong” if we cannot respond as the world around us expects.

My desire is to focus on the real meaning of Christmas, but I don’t even know what that is. Birthing Christ? Waiting? Celebration & Joy? Christmas tree & decorations? The crazy thing is that I feel quite content and settled in most respects. I am loving my time and focus this season. I have still produced no twinkling lights or Christmas tree or even Poinsettia. I have lit many, many candles and listened to beautiful classical music. I have danced in the snow and driven down Candy Cane lane. I have spent cherished time with friends. I have warmed my home with soup on the stove. I have nurtured God within. Hmmmm…maybe I know more about this holiday season than I suspected ☺.

So, I would love to hear from you. Your words and thoughts are always an inspiration and delight to me. Blessings and peace.

P.S. I’m on my way to have lunch now with my beautiful son who I physically birthed into this world ☺.

collage by lucy 12.13.08

how do you define busy?

Since the contemplative retreat, the hours of the day have taken on a new feeling for me. I haven’t quite pinned it down, and don’t imagine that I will anytime soon. However, I am more conscious of the rhythms of the day and I find myself wondering how much I let them control me and how much I try to control them. One of my questions for the day was: “are you a chameleon--bending to my whim & demand?” My sense has been that day is chaotic, busy and it travels by too quickly. Is that true or is it my attitude…my whim? Day seems to be the point in time where I have been called to be most productive…at least in the world’s sense of the term.

I recently had a discussion with a friend regarding the word “busy”. We both have a strong reaction to it. I find myself really bucking up against it particularly during this holiday season. Everyone thinks you must be so busy. What in the world does that even mean? My hope and goal is to redefine what ‘busy’ means – at least for me. I am not sure if anyone else would care to join me, but what if instead of rushing from the next appointment or worrying about shopping for the perfect gift or doing any number of things that totally stress you out, busy looked something like this:

• Sleeping a little later than usual and tending to your dreams. Feeling your body gently awaken in bed and noticing the stretch of your limbs and spine as they awaken.
• Choosing to stay home in the evening and have soup and salad with your loved ones rather than rushing out the door for the next Christmas concert. Being busy with conversation and laughter rather than herding around with crowds.
• Pausing in the middle of the day to read a novel and take a nap. Busying yourself with restorative yoga and moments with God.
• Instead of giving into the huge to do list by your side, opting for a few moments of silence and an Advent reading at noon, because you slept a little later in the morning. ☺

What if busy looked like intentional movement and choice throughout the day? If we controlled busy rather than letting busy control us? What if we actually enjoyed this holiday season and took some time to wait as the Advent tradition suggests? What if busy looked like smiling at our neighbor, intently listening to the words of a holiday carol or simply watching the lights twinkle on the Christmas tree (perhaps a tree that someone else bought & decorated)? How might you change if you redefined busy? How might the world feel different?

advent retreat

Wow! This "37 day Advent season" is already rich beyond words and I am only three days into it. I have attempted several times to put into coherent words what has been happening over the last few days and alas I continue to end up somewhat speechless.

Some themes that continue to emerge are: light & darkness; vessels; brokenness; holding sorrow; woundedness & healing…God with us.

God’s love and guiding hand continue to amaze and surprise me beyond comprehension. One example is that several months ago I signed up for a Contemplative Retreat and it begins today. While I am certain that the retreat was planned with Advent in mind, it never occurred to me until the date came nearer.

And so, I am off for a few days to experience…who knows what? The program includes art-making, yoga, praying the hours and lots of ‘space’ in a beautiful setting. I am awed by God’s graciousness.

I will be leaving my computer at home and will return here Sunday at the earliest. In the meantime, I hope you will visit lucy creates where I have pre-dated a few images to continue “december views” in my absence.

Peace.

“Forbid that we should stumble through this day oblivious to the wonder in the ordinary.”

from God with Us

collage by lucy 12.03.08

welcoming advent - day 1

“Give us, we pray, the grace to surrender to being found.”
--Richard John Neuhaus

I have had a wild morning with God. I wish I had the gift that my friend, Tess, has of putting together lots of details into a formative description ☺. I shall, however, try because it feels too important and too crazy (or wild) to not record this. I have to tell you though that stuff like this happens to me all of the time. Does that sound arrogant? Does that sound like I am special? Oh wait, I have gotten ahead of myself, have I not?

So, as you can see by looking at my new bookshelf in the sidebar, I have quite a few books that I currently have open next to my bedside. I used to be a serial reader and could/would only read one book at a time, cover to cover and then, of course, count the pages and record my accomplishment. (Can you see the performance seeking perfectionist pop through there?) Anyway, I have ceased to use that method and now find myself in the midst of all sorts of knowledge (which I love), but the main problem becomes remembering where I read something!! This post as much as anything is an attempt to record the events of the last few hours and how they have come to be my Advent focus.

Last night I finished my first read of Patti Digh’s “life is a verb” and was left with this challenge:

“What, if you did it consistently for thirty-seven days (and perhaps beyond), would create positive vibes, intentional joy, good karma, fantastic direction, and deep expansiveness in your life?...Whatever it is, however small, do it. Decide on It, the Thing You Will Do. And then, do it.”

I also decided to jump ahead and read the first day of Advent readings from “God with Us.” Here is the primary thought that I underlined :

“The great question is not whether we have found God but whether we have found ourselves being found by God.”

This morning I awoke quite early (not really my personal decision ☺) and chose to quietly read another chapter in Christine Paintner’s, “Lectio Divina” and this is what greeted me:

“Awareness of God, at its deepest level, is not so much something we do as something we are.” --William Shannon
The chapter was on 'Contemplative Awakening and Awareness' and ultimately I found myself entering into centering prayer which "Lectio Divina" points out is “a method designed to facilitate the development of contemplative prayer by preparing our faculties to receive this gift…It is at the same time a relationship with God and a discipline to foster that relationship.”

As this post is already becoming a bit long, I will simply say my 20 minutes of centering prayer were definitely in kairos (qualitative) time versus the clock watching of chronos. It was a special time of “being” rather than “doing.” It was a time where I “found myself found by God.”

And so, upon reflection I realized that all of these little hints had been working together to offer me my discipline of Advent (which I did not even know I was looking for ☺.) And here, it is: for the next 37 days I am choosing to give myself the gift of 20 minutes of centering prayer each day. Now, here is where things get really cool. Today is November 30. There are 31 days in December and The Feast of Epiphany (the final feast day of Christmas) is on January 6—roughly speaking 37 days!!! How awesome is that?!??!?

I look forward to sharing this continuing journey with you, but mainly I look forward to the ways that I know God will surprise me (or not…I am holding lightly to expectations) over this 37 day Advent season.

Oh, I have to share one last little piece: the music. Yesterday while reading People (I’m not a spiritual diva by any means ☺), the recommendation for Enya’s “And winter came” jumped out at me. While I have been writing, I downloaded it. I was not surprised to see that the first song is “O Come, O Come Emmanuel.” Can’t wait to see what else is on there!!

There you have it – my Advent beginning. What will yours be? Will you allow yourself space to be found by God? What is the gift you will give to you? How will you surrender for the next 37 days?