a hard one to post...

I need something lovely to write and to say. I want a beautiful picture to post. Things are all locked up…the words...the photos. Much as I don’t want to admit it, I think I hate the holiday season. All anyone can talk about is how busy they are. How much there is to do. "Are you ready for the holidays???" Why the hubbub? What’s the big deal? So, you cook an extra meal or two and stand around at a couple of holiday parties where you are bored to death. What’s the big deal? Aaaaarrrrrggggggghhhh. Maybe I do hate the holidays...or at least what they seem to have become. I think it makes me sad.

Renewed Awareness

"Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions" Natasha Bedingfield

In just the last couple of years I have become more conscious of the seasons of the earth and life along with listening to my own rhythm as well as that of the world. This fall season has brought renewed awareness of my feminine self. (On the surface it feels "new", however, my soul tells me it is more of an awakening thus the need to use the word "renewed.)

I have also spoken of my connection with the sun as well as dream work and collage. For a few weeks now I have been thinking of a poem I wrote last fall during my first experience of working with collage. Today I revisited that poem and noticed that the "season" was nearly an identical time frame to this year's "work."

Coincidence? Synchronicity? The rhythms of life? Who can say, all I know is that something powerful is at work!

Here is my poem from last fall:

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Feminine World

I am the pain of the world, covered with blue scarves & white.
I am the beauty of the world, bare-shouldered with upswept hair.
I am the fire of the world, burning with desire and hope.
I am the joy of the world, reaching toward the heavens.

I am the beauty of the world, bare-shouldered with upswept hair.
I am the luscious berry, bursting with flavor.
I am the joy of the world, reaching toward the heavens.
I am the soul of the world, centered through pain, beauty, touch and taste.

I am the luscious berry.
I am the fire of the world.
I am the soul of the world.
I am the pain of the world, covered with blue scarves & white.

photo by maryjane hughlett

Breakin' Out

Fall has landed with a blowing rainstorm in Seattle. It brought with it a sick daughter, a growing teenage son, a traveling husband, new students to help train, two writing groups, Soltura's move to the northwest and a boot camp that is sucking all of the blood from my brain to rescue the muscles and joints that have been screaming for attention.

Needless to say, I am feeling a little scattered and disjointed. My most focused “quiet” time came last night around 2:00 a.m. when all of the above started to float around in my brain. I lay in bed for about an hour before I finally listened to that still small voice that said, “Why don’t you sit up and write for awhile? See if that helps.” Lo and behold, I journaled for a few pages until finally the words, “Be still and know that I am God,” appeared on the page. Simultaneously, I started to feel rest in my body. I finished the page I was writing, lay my journal aside and fell soundly asleep for the 1 ½ hours I had before the alarm clock rang announcing boot camp.

Today we went for a 3-mile hike with only flashlights to lead our way through Discovery Park. I walked alongside a woman I am not sure I would recognize in the daylight, but our conversation was full and the scenery as the sun started to rise was breathtaking. After the rain of the past few days, it was a reasonably clear morning. There were stars through the clouds and the hint of pink in the sky as the sun began to rise. For a few moments, I was able to forget the lists and give thanks to the voice that provides me rest in both my waking and sleeping hours.

Upon arriving home, I sat down to check in on some of my favorite blogs only to find that I had been recommended for the "Breakout Blogger" award by one of my personal favorites, Christine at Abbey of the Arts.

Christine described my blog as “playful and deep.” That feels like a lot to live up to and for a moment I really felt the pressure! Then I did what I do…I sat down and started to write from my heart. Is it playful and deep? Who knows? It is hard for me to judge. It’s just me and that is what I have to offer.

Part of the honor of being named a breakout blogger is to pass along four of my own favorites. (Again, the pressure ☺). Since I visit a reasonably small blogosphere, many of my recommendations have already been made. My top three favorites of “consistent” bloggers are Abbey of the Arts, Tess @ Anchors and Masts and Northwoods Contemplative. I would also add to this list:

Shelby @ Time with Shelby. Her readings range from her daily life of trying to find work and keep up with school to grocery lists she has found along the way as well as a variety of delightful tidbits that just plain make me smile. ☺

Country Parson is a new blogger who speaks of theological matters with a heart for the world. I generally have to put on my “thinking cap” here and always walk away with something new to ponder.

Sunrise Sister is a delight when she decides to let things pass through the Mind Sieve. I hope she will begin to write more as her life takes some exciting turns with the New Year. She has a lot of wonderful things to say!

It looks like the blood has reentered my brain for a moment or two. (I have to take advantage of that before the adrenaline runs out and I realize I only had about 4 hours of sleep last night, so I am off to enter my day…again ☺.)

Thanks for reading. As always I am glad you are here and would love a “hello” from your side of the screen ☺.

Cheers! Lucy

photos by me

Season's Rhythm

My daily life has a new rhythm and I am not sure what I think about it. The biggest change is that I have enrolled in adventure boot camp for the next four weeks. As I sit here at day four, finding new muscles each time I move, I wonder what I am doing. My body screams pain right now, but in the early morning (Camp begins at 5:30 a.m.) I begin to feel new strength, endurance and vitality as I push through bicep curls and obstacle courses. It is a surreal experience as we gather in the dark and fog, do our thing and return home before sunrise.

I am exhausted and exhilarated all at the same time. I find, however, that my brain is not so engaged once I return home to try and read or write as I normally do in the morning. It is hard to think of God when muscles beg to be the center of attention. I have thought a bit about the Ascetics, particularly those who practice self-mortification. In my current state it really seems counterintuitive that bringing more pain to the body could bring you closer to God. It certainly removes thoughts about the rest of the world, but as I said earlier, I find it difficult to settle in and rest with God when my body yells, “take care of me.” I realize, of course, that a strenuous exercise program is not necessarily the same as a strict ascetic practice, but once the blood does flow back into my brain, I can’t help but ponder thoughts such as these.

Today, however, as I returned from taking my children to their respective schools I was compell-
ingly drawn toward the aesthetic beauty of the sunflowers pictured here. They gleamed with their brilliance from a neighborhood community garden. As I looked more closely, I saw that some had started to bow their heads as if in prayer while others lifted their faces toward the sun. Their rhythm was a reminder to me of my own rhythm…this new place I find myself as fall enters in with new work, school schedules and, of course, adventure boot camp. Will I raise my face toward the sun or gently bow my head and rest?

What are your rhythms as the seasons begin to change? Are you drawn to ascetic or aesthetic thoughts? Eugene Peterson speaks of the ascetic and aesthetic movements as being the “no and the yes that work together at the heart of spiritual theology.” I’d love to read your comments on this post.

photos by lucy

Stillness

There is a quietness and stillness about me today. Entering Fall. Saying good-bye to summer. Preparing my nest for winter. Starting a new journey with the students at Mars Hill. A new group of women coming to Soltura this week.

New. The leaves must die to prepare a way for the new. Anticipation. Holiness. Stillness. Excitement. What will this fall bring? God whispers the answers when we are still, if only we are willing to listen. There is a quietness and stillness about me today. May I be willing to listen. Amen.